Tuesday, January 11, 2011


i have given in haha


Tuesday, December 21, 2010

city and colour


this whole week. i am not as happy as i am now that i have found out something in this life is worth it. and dallas green is sooooo worth it. mann why can't guys be like dallas green. i dont personally know him but i dont give, hes compassionate, loving, kind and sooo down to earth its like a fucking friendly martian landed and learnt how to play the acoustic extraordinarily and has some mutant fucking amazing voice that makes me want to cry just listening to it.

thankyou for intro-ing him to me a few years back andy but fuck you need to learn some shit from this guy man. compassion, grace and all that stuff. hes a man!

dallas green. i love you and this isnt the whole fan shit well it is but i feel like i love you. if i could and it didnt seem like the most stupid thing in the world, i would tattoo your name on my body cause thats how much you changed my life, but then i wont cause thats what all those crazy fans do and i want to quietly manifest in this love i have for you by myself. hahahaha its 6am in the morning and you are the first male i have thought of. hahaha plus i havent slept yet. saw the sunrise and everything. plus i got home at 5 when my mum was up to go to work. awkwardddddd.

Sunday, December 19, 2010


wow andy, theres one thing to tell me to leave you alone and tell me to fuck off and theres another thing to full disregard me as your friend at all like on facebook. i think you're being the most immature person.

Saturday, December 18, 2010


there are so many things you can realise without even seeing it coming. 

and the thing i realised is, im such a fucking loser. in so many complicated ways its ridiculous of me to be so oblivious to myself. 

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

these empty walls

so my friend says we're all human but FUCK THAT i hate when someone like they are so genuine when they say something like years ago and then they turn they're back on it as if it was just a moment thing that they said it. and when they help you that one time they say oh yeah remember i said i was this and id be this for you and then like two days later they treat you like dirt. those are the friends that should just fucking rot in hell.

and fuck the friends who are so two faced. when they are alone with you they act as if they are on your side or whatever and actually when go and tell the other friends shit. those people are fucked up too.

id think that my high school friends are well more understanding and mature but fuck them all. seriously. they are so fucking stupid that they think high school teen drama is like the story of their life. seriously get over it. i want nothing to do with each and everyone of them if i could. thats why i swear i should have been in the higher grade cause some of the boys and girls in mine are fucking immature shits.

i only told you, you were there you know, you were there the whole day and you now refuse to help me? thats so heartless when you know that in a heartbeat if your mate wanted you to go do something you'd drop everything just to hang out with them but why not me. seriously its not fair. you didnt lose anything. but i did. i lost everything.

Friday, December 3, 2010

invisibility cloak

who's seen harry potter 7? if you have then youll get this. my most favorite part in the whole movie is the story of the deathly hallows and the whole animation part with the three brothers. and if i was anyone of them id too like an invisibility cloak. then when i thought about it i did. i have my very own invisibility cloak and thats just me. its awesome really. you do what you want you say what you want and noone fucking hears you. noone sees you noone cares cause they dont know you were there in the first place. i could sit at a dinner table playing a game and noone would come up and say what are you doing. or noone would ask after not seeing me for practically six months ask how i was or what ive been doing. its weird huh? but since im getting tired of the invisibility cloak i too feel like its time and death should come and greet me with his deep dark eyes and tattered cloak that surrounds his pure white skeletal body. it'd be pretty cool i reckon.

other news, i passed my financial exam. i thought i didnt do every well cause i didnt know half the stuff but i passed. thank god. and i think i passed all the rest. it would be absolutely terrible if i didnt cause i dont want to have to repeat another half year of school i think im going to jump off a building. i really wonder if people like live for three days just being stuck on the floor cause apparently you mightn't die if you jump off a building, and i mean obviously it has to be a significant height. and not like the first story of the building. but i heard from a significant height you could still live for a bit cause i dont know but imagine just lying flat of the ground waiting to die, that would be terrible. thats practically lying in a bed waiting to die in a hospital. i feel sorry for patients now.

i woke up at 3.30am yesterday to go to work. it was killer. and today i have work at 5:30 its a short reception so hopefully i can leave early. im not very into work at the moment. the further i move on in life the more i think about parting everyone i know. i just want to be somewhere totally alone where i can just do what i want for me and not have to think about everyone else that is part of my life. hehe sounds quite rude. but i want something for me for a change.

oh wells. ive got two staff parties next week. one of tuesday and one on monday. sweet i dont know why i said tuesday first but yeah monday tuesday. its only 10:30 in the morning and i already feel like ive been awake this whole time and noone has said a word to me. but instead sit outside eating breakfast whilst i walk around the house like a ghost. sweet ay? invisibility cloaks to fucking work! =D

Tuesday, November 23, 2010


everyday of my life i'm told to shutup. everyday of my life im made to feel like im not worth shit.
everyday of my life i yearn for someone to show me that they really love me. everyday of my life i stand in the bathroom with a pair of scissors. didnt know that? now you do. and everyday of my current life, i stop myself for the same reason i stand there.

im not dramatic, im sensitive, something that you were extremely and i held my words back, so please, hold yours.

im not psychotic, im unstable, and im working on it, so please don't push me.

i hate the word annoying. im told that most days of my life too, and i hate it because can't imagine someone who use to be there for me all the time, suddenly disappear and say to myself that its better off.

i struggle with so much thoughts and feelings that i can't even handle, so when you dump your aggressiveness on me because you think im annoying, think twice, cause the amount of shit you give me is the number of steps i take up that ladder to the rooftop.

if im annoying, its cause i need you. and you know that so for once, be a fucking man and show that kindness you show everyone else around you to me. cause i need it. even just for a minute.

this is probably more than ive ever said on my blog about myself. so cheers to me huh?

Saturday, November 6, 2010

studying sucks stupid squidballs

so ive been in the library for like 6 hrs and i havent done jack shit ive been absolutely procrastinating on facebook for the longsest i have ever been on facebook just talking and commenting and shit. its so sad =( and yeah ive got more then 3 assignments due which im all fucked for but there is no motivation for me to continue. i just have to get through one more month and im free. i really want to go back to melbourneeeee and i want to hang out with my friends. and go and play and drink till i pass out lol well no i dont want to do that i want to just go out. hehehe hmm i have some things on my agenda already.

i will be going to melbourne for NYE. no point staying here anymore and ill be attending armin only weeeeee =) with my melbourne friends and hopefully meet a friends baby nephew cause he looks so adorable in the pictures and also i want to go on a trip? maybe to a beach house or something. my mate from four seasons wants me to go with his friends but i dont know his friends and plus i got school still so thats odd. hmm what else thats about it i guess. earn some dosh. and lose weight hahahha i want to be 43 kilogramsssss or 42 im like 45-47 right now it fluctuates so unattractive since im short and just short and fat. lol stump much.

so i need to get a new learners license ay. its been expired for like half a year plus i really need to learn to drive so i can do my own shit and dont have to take a bus from work like fucking everyday. such a drag.

i have drank 2 coffees today. quite little and quite tired =( i just want to sleep i got home at 5am yesterday and i woke at 9am sighhhhhh

hope yall having a great time doing what yall doing. i really want to hang out =) so call me. and ryyy when you going overseas again?

i work at gloria jeans and own a starbucks coffee mug=) life is full of betrayals.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010


its been one rough week. I can honestly say, to all my friends. they think im already fine. they push me forward to look for something new and something better and in front of them i can totally agree but when im by myself i can't help but want what i really want. i can deny it to myself but all i really want is him.

im sick of college and im sick of work and just i don't know, ive run out of energy to do anything. like at least before i was tired but i still did it because i felt that you were proud of me but now i just feel that every little thing that happens seems to be on me. it feels like a thousand tonne weight are on my shoulders.

the worst thing is, i can't sleep but im so tired and the only place i can sleep is near you. i need this sleep cause if i don't then really all im doing is thinking about the shit that's gone wrong in my life and to me i can name like a hundred thousand things.

i think ive said im great to like 50 people today. thats cause i work but still to friends and people i also say that im great. but im just greatly displeased with my life. and i feel like im slipping from everything that means anything to me. im slipping from youth group and melbourne friends and family and well obviously him.

im so exhausted still from the lack of sleep last night even though i slept like 4 hours but already i can't get back to sleep again.

i remember playing this song over and over again when i was in high school i don't know why i liked it so much but now i love it to bits and its what describes how i feel in this moment in time.